5, 60, 1,825, 43,800, 2,628,000, 157,680,000

Today was supposed to be our 5th year anniversary. Today is my last day as Patsy’s father. My place is ready to be my own, to be taken over like the life I reclaimed for myself. It is almost over now. This is what we wanted. The dreamers are free. The machine is broken, it just needs to be swept away. Under a rug, by the tide, to decay with time, it does not matter; it just needs to be taken away. I feel exhausted, all these pieces lying everywhere. I am not sure where to start cleaning up. What a mess we have made. So much to clean up!

She darts in and out picking up her pieces and moving them away. Keeping as busy as ever. I watch what she takes and every time she removes I replace, to fill the void. I cannot stand the void, it is too much to bear. Emptiness, it drains so much energy from you and in its place it leaves negativity and a sense of loss. There is enough loss to go around right now. We do not need anymore.

It has been a rough month and a half. It seems to all conclude now. What a story maker fate is. For fate has provided the both of us quite the story. Perhaps one day I shall share it with you, but for now I shall simply share the interesting way that fate has chosen the day we became one, to be the exact same day, five years later, to become ourselves again.

The past five years have been the most intense five years of my life thus far. It is so hard to let go of someone who you have grown with, cried with, loved with and relied on for so much. I used to think that she was more dependent on me. As this story concludes though, I start to see how dependent on her I was as well. I have pointed out everything that was going wrong with it in the past postings. Seeing as we are about to cross the finish line, I think it is only appropriate to share how much there was between the two of us.

Yes, the machine went out of control , but it is so critical to remember that we invested so much into it and into each other. Our dream drove us. We were truly a great team, we only needed each other. Not many people here in this city know both of us individually without the other. In fact most people cannot fathom the thought of us as individuals. I guess that is why it is better we go our own ways to find ourselves.

What we had was a beautiful thing. It will never happen again to me. I will never forget her and the impact that she has made in my life. To say otherwise would negate the past five years and reduce it to nothing but a memory. I know she will find her happiness, she is destined to. We saved ourselves, our lives are in front of us and we can see our dreams clearly now. What is in between us and those dreams, I do not know. Will we ever reach them? I cannot say. She has gotten me through so much of the crap involved with this place, I am sure she can get herself through the unknown...

To Her:

Thank you. Thank you so much for the past five years. Thank you for being there when you were, for all the beautiful times, for fighting for and with me when you did, for the love you gave, for Patsy, for all of the adventures, for our dream. I will never forget you and all that you have done for me. I know this is not a farewell, as in we will not see each other again. I guess this is a farewell to how we see each other.

Friendship is not such a bad ending is it? Know that I look to those five years with joy. Warm feelings fill me when I do think of them, our happy times together. I hope that we can keep those times where they are and look forward. We will always have those moments in our hearts but as it is we can no longer live them out; it would be to our downfall as individuals.

I stand out of your way now, you are free to be. I am sorry I stood in the way so many times. From now on I want you to remember that I will always be here to support anything you need to do to find yourself and to realize your dream. You are a beautiful person, one of the most beautiful people I have had the honor of knowing. I am so lucky to have had you in my life for so long. I will do my best to be there through the rough times.

As much distance as there will be between you and I, I will be out there somewhere and know I will not give up on our friendship. Let's look to the world now and find our happiness.

- S -