The Fire Within
Something interesting happens to you when you change perspectives. Old goals do not seem so enticing anymore, old habits seem to be holding you down. For me what sticks out the most was my desire and want to go back to Bangkok, Thailand. I believe that my obsession with Bangkok has ended. I still love that city and I would go back in a heartbeat if I could, but my focus is no longer on it anymore.
I traced the outlines of countries I have lived in and visited throughout my life on a map and I realized how little I have seen. Do not get me wrong I know and appreciate the fact that I have been to many places and that I am lucky to have done so, but for me it is not enough. The world still has so much more to offer. The experiences I would have in those other places may not be as powerful as the experiences I had in Thailand but, why assume that? To assume so is to assume that life has nothing to offer but the past.
I cannot believe that for the longest time of my life I just wanted to go back to Bangkok and expect everything to be great again. How could I have been so naïve to think that? The answer lies within the fact that powerful experiences are much like powerful drugs; they are addictive and leave you wanting more. It is not the place necessarily that I was so enamored with but the experiences I developed there. As I said, Bangkok has a very special place in my heart, and I would love to go back even for just a visit, but I am no longer fighting for it. If that possibility crosses my path then I shall take it, otherwise I will look elsewhere. The world is huge and I think I want to dedicate my life trying to see as much of it as I can.
There are quite a few places I want to visit and there are a few places I am scared to visit. One place in particular is Rio DeJaniero. Why? I am scared because I know I will fall in love with the place, it would be so hard for me to leave. It has all the elements of life that I adore; metropolitan setting, beautiful people with partying in their DNA, tropical environment, beautiful hills, chaos, and beaches. I can already imagine it, the warm air on my face as soon as I walk out of the airport, the chaos of a big city in a third world, the cabbies waving you towards their cab and all the faces, all the beautiful faces looking at you with eyes so inquisitive. The nature of their inquisition remains to be revealed, but nevertheless the sense of being somewhere different overpowering you with every pass of their gaze.
There are so many places I want to go; Maldives, Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan, Iran, Egypt, Kenya, South Africa, Brazil, Peru, Galapagos Islands, Chile, Argentina, Jamaica, Japan, China, St. Lucia, St. Martin, Spain, Portugal, Monte Carlo, Malaysia, Borneo, Solomon Islands, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, Morocco, Cote d’Ivoire, Laos, Burma, Macau, Venezuela, Columbia, Iceland, Norway, Canada, Saudi Arabia….the list goes on and on and on….once I run out of countries there is always Antarctica….and then the moon.
Travel is my passion. To me it is people, culture, and life all rolled into one big sushi roll ready for me to devour. I cannot get enough of it.
Passion can be a real bitch though can’t it? It has the power to override logic and throw your plans into oblivion whenever it feels like it. It is much like Life’s secret agent whom it planted within you. I have only been back for roughly two months and I yearn to break the bonds that hold me down. The spirit that resides within gets restless and anxious as the days go by.
It is very hard to direct the free spirit within myself. I know that once I am able to focus it I am capable of accomplishing anything I want in my life. It burns within me everyday, scratching away at the chains which hold him down. It is so hard to control this inner spirit. It is strange to write about it because it really is like its own entity at times. It is almost as if I literally have two sides to myself, one that wishes to keep things stable and controlled and the other is this fire that just burns and every opportunity for it to fly away, it will take. In the middle of this is my brain, who has the unfortunate task of mediating between the two.
It is even harder to control my spirit when I have a new perspective on life and all the old chains can no longer hold me back. It just wants to Go! Go!! Go!!! The problem is that it is never that easy, there is so much to clean up before I can even consider doing such a thing.
I traced the outlines of countries I have lived in and visited throughout my life on a map and I realized how little I have seen. Do not get me wrong I know and appreciate the fact that I have been to many places and that I am lucky to have done so, but for me it is not enough. The world still has so much more to offer. The experiences I would have in those other places may not be as powerful as the experiences I had in Thailand but, why assume that? To assume so is to assume that life has nothing to offer but the past.
I cannot believe that for the longest time of my life I just wanted to go back to Bangkok and expect everything to be great again. How could I have been so naïve to think that? The answer lies within the fact that powerful experiences are much like powerful drugs; they are addictive and leave you wanting more. It is not the place necessarily that I was so enamored with but the experiences I developed there. As I said, Bangkok has a very special place in my heart, and I would love to go back even for just a visit, but I am no longer fighting for it. If that possibility crosses my path then I shall take it, otherwise I will look elsewhere. The world is huge and I think I want to dedicate my life trying to see as much of it as I can.
There are quite a few places I want to visit and there are a few places I am scared to visit. One place in particular is Rio DeJaniero. Why? I am scared because I know I will fall in love with the place, it would be so hard for me to leave. It has all the elements of life that I adore; metropolitan setting, beautiful people with partying in their DNA, tropical environment, beautiful hills, chaos, and beaches. I can already imagine it, the warm air on my face as soon as I walk out of the airport, the chaos of a big city in a third world, the cabbies waving you towards their cab and all the faces, all the beautiful faces looking at you with eyes so inquisitive. The nature of their inquisition remains to be revealed, but nevertheless the sense of being somewhere different overpowering you with every pass of their gaze.
There are so many places I want to go; Maldives, Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan, Iran, Egypt, Kenya, South Africa, Brazil, Peru, Galapagos Islands, Chile, Argentina, Jamaica, Japan, China, St. Lucia, St. Martin, Spain, Portugal, Monte Carlo, Malaysia, Borneo, Solomon Islands, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, Morocco, Cote d’Ivoire, Laos, Burma, Macau, Venezuela, Columbia, Iceland, Norway, Canada, Saudi Arabia….the list goes on and on and on….once I run out of countries there is always Antarctica….and then the moon.
Travel is my passion. To me it is people, culture, and life all rolled into one big sushi roll ready for me to devour. I cannot get enough of it.
Passion can be a real bitch though can’t it? It has the power to override logic and throw your plans into oblivion whenever it feels like it. It is much like Life’s secret agent whom it planted within you. I have only been back for roughly two months and I yearn to break the bonds that hold me down. The spirit that resides within gets restless and anxious as the days go by.
It is very hard to direct the free spirit within myself. I know that once I am able to focus it I am capable of accomplishing anything I want in my life. It burns within me everyday, scratching away at the chains which hold him down. It is so hard to control this inner spirit. It is strange to write about it because it really is like its own entity at times. It is almost as if I literally have two sides to myself, one that wishes to keep things stable and controlled and the other is this fire that just burns and every opportunity for it to fly away, it will take. In the middle of this is my brain, who has the unfortunate task of mediating between the two.
It is even harder to control my spirit when I have a new perspective on life and all the old chains can no longer hold me back. It just wants to Go! Go!! Go!!! The problem is that it is never that easy, there is so much to clean up before I can even consider doing such a thing.
I look around my workplace. I look at the people I work with and try to get a sense of the fire within them. All I see is a want to settle down and a need for a sense of ‘normalcy.’ The idea of leaving the US is so foreign to them, they get goose bumps thinking about a life without TiVo, Grey’s Anatomy, Monday Night Football and NCAA anything. Imagine not being able to see the latest Hollywood blockbuster until six months after its premier! What about fashion?!?! This is where I start to laugh, fashion here is horrible, sure NY is a fashion power center, but no one else dresses like that unless they are in NY. People are a lot more creative and lot more open to creativity (which is conducive to a fashionable society) outside of these borders. In any case, I look at my coworkers and the cages that they have created for themselves. It is totally a psychological cage, and one which I don’t want to be a resident in. They created it, made it shiney and attractinve to others, and they would feel so insecure not having it around. It is almost like the Stockholm syndrome; they totally fell in love with their captors.
I am walking an extremely narrow line as I type. I have this extreme need to just go. Just leave everything behind that I know and let it fall to pieces. Give up all of these luxuries that control a lot of people’s lives. I need to go on my crusade, a crusade to save myself from all the crap that surrounds me here. I have obligations to people, to family and to myself to succeed in life. I need to fulfill those obligations, but success is not imminent upon that completion. Success is only possible within myself and to conquer myself I need to satisfy my life’s needs, my passion.
I am walking an extremely narrow line as I type. I have this extreme need to just go. Just leave everything behind that I know and let it fall to pieces. Give up all of these luxuries that control a lot of people’s lives. I need to go on my crusade, a crusade to save myself from all the crap that surrounds me here. I have obligations to people, to family and to myself to succeed in life. I need to fulfill those obligations, but success is not imminent upon that completion. Success is only possible within myself and to conquer myself I need to satisfy my life’s needs, my passion.
'Tear Down Thy House, Build A Ship!
Abandon Thy Possessions, Seek Thou Life!'
- The Epic of Gilgamesh
posted by globetrottin99 at 3:48 PM
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