Look Back No Further

Wow, April already huh? It is so crazy to look back sometimes and see how much has happened in your life over a certain amount of time. Having a blog is a pretty intense thing, I don’t think I am used to it yet. Looking back at previous postings, you can see all the small changes taking place. Almost like one of those collages where all the small individual pictures make up one larger image.

They used to have the King’s anthem played before every movie started in the theatres in Bangkok. One of the sequences they used to have on the screen while the anthem played was of all the various activities, projects etc. the King undertook. They were individual squares of footage which would come together to form a giant portrait of the King. I always thought that was awesome. To me it was very much a representation of what everyone’s life is…a bunch of individual experiences put together to form one giant existence. Whenever I think of it I think of an unfinished ever growing portrait of myself with these small squares of footage being added every second.

I guess I have learned to really hold these experiences close to heart over the past few months without having to feel sad that the moment has passed me by. In fact most of the time these days I laugh and smile and try my best to put myself into the feeling of that situation again. I used to want to go back to it, I used to long for what had passed, but these days I just cannot wait for the day I look back at, well, today.

There was a time when I was obsessed with going back to my “childhood countries.” Now that I think about it some more, I am probably more in love with what they were to me in the past than what it really is today. I do not mean to suggest that I no longer want to return. In fact, that is quite the contrary. What I am trying to get to is, I no longer want to try and re-create those moments. I just want more moments altogether. Looking back at my time in Bangkok, the reason why I enjoyed life so much was because I only had my future ahead of me. So I guess this very moment is actually quite similar to back then, now that I truly realize that there is still so much ahead of me. No wonder I haven’t been able to get this smile off of my face since I got back from the islands…

Image: 'Modern Man'

Drawing By: S. Tolber

Coloring: Sfynx

Digitizing: Sfynx

Collaging: S. Tobler