Reborn

About a month ago I wrote about doing a lot of internalization. I focused on the inside. I started doing that in late November/December. It has been almost four months now since I started doing that. I believe that it is time to move out of that phase and begin to refocus on externalization. I am an extreme extrovert and being so focused internally can have very depressing repercussions on me. My grandfather’s passing has also forced me out of my shell. I can’t spend too much time internalizing and let the world pass me by.

Over the past four months I have been able to get in touch with the person I want to become. I am more disciplined now, more in control of my emotions. Although these changes are new, powerful and very positive they have yet to solidify completely. At the same time nothing in life is clear cut and you can’t expect to reserve X amount of time for healing and X amount of time for whatever else. There is always overlapping. I am focusing once again on looking to a life beyond US soil. Instead of being obsessed with specific nuances I have decided to take a different approach; take things easy (what a concept!!). I am going to shoot my resume everywhere with no clear time frame in mind just yet. I kind of want to see what kind of responses I will get and then go from there. Don’t get me wrong I still have standards, i.e. I am not going to just take any job that I get a response from.

The past month has been really good. I got to focus on myself, I look and feel better than I have in years, I managed to fit into size 32 jeans again (I was almost 34 in Aug), and the best part is I threw in some international travel as well. To top it all off I have someone very close to me who is nearby for the next month and a half. In fact it was this person’s presence which catalyzed my move to externalize again. I think that my grandfather’s passing really set off some explosions internally and that week before I left the States for my small vacation, a lot of pressure was building up within. This person reminded me what living life was like once again and reminded me that the whole reason for my realizing so much when I was away in Europe was because I was searching for (and temporarily found) something to inspire me.

Another person, who was once very close to me, also told me not long ago to “do something that inspires you.” So I went away a couple of weeks ago on a five day journey to a country I have never been. Not only that but I went there with someone who could quite possibly be one of the coolest travel partners I have ever had the pleasure to travel with. Needless to say, I was re-inspired. Life has been up and down, left and right for me these days I guess, in terms of self direction and momentum but not in terms of outlook; I’ve never really dropped my positive outlook in life. I have been doing a lot more things differently and have been enjoying it in the process.

.....Cont'd on 3/26/07......

I just got back from the Virgin Islands. I have been waiting to post this until after I had returned. A new me has emerged and I like him a lot. The picture above really captures what has happened to me over the past month. I took this picture while I was in Mexico at a rooftop Shisha lounge called Fumari. It was a beautiful night and the picture inspired me to do exactly what I had captured....to finally break away, to solidify everything new and look forward. Sure there are some things which tag along but those are the pieces of the essential "me," the person I was looking for, a more refined me, that I took with. Its funny how once I finally break away, things can now finally come together, and it definitely feels that way.

Image: "Reborn"
Location: Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
By: S. Tobler
3/2007